How to split the cost of a parent’s care with your siblings
Money is one of the hardest things for siblings to talk about, and a parent’s care can cost thousands a month. A clear, written plan keeps it from turning into resentment.
Start with the real monthly cost and what your parent’s own income and savings cover. Then agree on how to split the gap: equally, in proportion to each sibling’s income, or by trading money for hands-on time. Put the plan in writing, keep the numbers where everyone can see them, and review it every few months or when care needs change.
Family caregivers already spend a lot of their own money. AARP’s out-of-pocket cost study found that caregivers spend an average of $7,242 a year on caregiving, about 26% of their income. When one sibling quietly absorbs those costs, it builds resentment. A plan everyone agrees to prevents that.
1. Get the full picture first
- Your parent’s monthly income: Social Security, pensions, and any other income
- Savings, investments, and home equity, and how long they could cover care
- Benefits your parent may qualify for, such as Medicaid or VA Aid and Attendance
- Every care cost: home care hours, adult day, assisted living, medicines, supplies, rides
Your parent’s own money usually pays first. What’s left is the gap the family decides how to cover.
2. Count time as a contribution
The sibling who lives nearby often gives hours every week: rides, meals, doctor visits, overnight help. That’s real value. At the 2025 median of $35 an hour for a home caregiver (CareScout), 10 hours a week of hands-on help is worth about $1,500 a month. Some families let hands-on time count against a sibling’s share of the bill.
3. Pick a split that fits your family
- Equal shares: simple, and works when siblings earn similar amounts.
- In proportion to income: each sibling pays the same percentage of what they earn, so no one is stretched much more than the others.
- Time for money: siblings who live far away pay more, and the sibling giving daily care pays less or nothing.
For example (made-up numbers): assisted living costs $6,200 a month and your parent’s income covers $3,500, leaving a $2,700 gap. Split by income 50/30/20, three siblings would pay $1,350, $810, and $540 a month.
4. Put it in writing
Write down who pays what, when, and into which account, plus who handles which jobs. If a family member is paid to provide care, AARP and the Family Caregiver Alliance recommend a signed personal care agreement that sets out the duties and pay. Without one, Medicaid may treat those payments as gifts, which can delay your parent’s eligibility later.
5. Know the tax rules
If siblings together provide more than half of a parent’s support, they can file a multiple support agreement so that one sibling claims the parent as a dependent. Only that sibling can deduct the medical expenses they personally paid, so decide together who pays the deductible costs (IRS Publication 502).
6. Keep the numbers visible and revisit them
Care needs change, and so do incomes. Keep the arrangements and monthly costs somewhere every sibling can see, and set a regular time to check in, such as every three months, and whenever care changes.
This guide is general information, not legal, tax, or financial advice. Benefit rules and limits change every year, so check the linked sources or talk to an elder law attorney or tax professional about your family’s situation.
Common questions
Should siblings split a parent’s care costs equally?
Not necessarily. Equal shares are simple, but many families split in proportion to income, or let a sibling who gives a lot of hands-on care pay less. The best split is one every sibling agrees to and that’s written down.
Can I pay my sister or brother to care for our parent?
Yes. Use a written personal care agreement that lists the duties, hours, and pay. It prevents misunderstandings, and without one, Medicaid may treat the payments as gifts, which can delay your parent’s eligibility.
Can siblings share a tax deduction for a parent’s care?
Siblings who together provide more than half of a parent’s support can use a multiple support agreement so one of them claims the parent. Only that sibling can deduct the medical expenses they paid, according to IRS Publication 502.
Sources
- Caregiving Out-of-Pocket Costs Study, AARP, June 2021
- Cost of Care Survey 2025, CareScout (formerly the Genworth Cost of Care Survey), March 2026
- How to Create a Personal Care Agreement, AARP
- Personal Care Agreements, Family Caregiver Alliance
- Publication 502: Medical and Dental Expenses, IRS
- Siblings and Caregiving, Family Caregiver Alliance